i only know i had no connection to my friends, cos it felt like i had to navigate the social conventions to figure out how to open them up and feel like i actually knew them<br><br>i choked cos i can’t adapt to human social conventions. i just threw away those sides of my life instead

fleegar

@shoutplenty

i’ve wanted to discuss this essay as well for a bit

it resonates w/ me fully but i can’t comment on how valid it is cos the grass just seems greener. cos like

i grew up with no concept of romantic relationships, i don’t know what the difference is [1/8] https://ellayurman.substack.com/p/on-kissing-and-fucking-your-friends

10/28/2024, 7:55:28 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

idk what the merits of the social conventions are cos i was shut out of them my whole life. i can only intuit the system in that essay, where ppl have open, uninhibited discussions about the nature of their bond, and negotiate what they want from each other, free from conventions

10/28/2024, 7:55:28 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

i only know i had no connection to my friends, cos it felt like i had to navigate the social conventions to figure out how to open them up and feel like i actually knew them

i choked cos i can’t adapt to human social conventions. i just threw away those sides of my life instead

10/28/2024, 7:55:29 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

i only know what the essay describes, that i have an expansive love to offer that isn’t diminished by the number of people it’s offered to, yet i’m forced by the conventions to suppress it and play it cool with those friends

10/28/2024, 7:55:30 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

having a best friend who said “i love you” regularly turned out to be a symptom of borderline personality disorder. having a friend who said he wanted to give this kind of expansive love turned out to be, well, this

10/28/2024, 7:55:31 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

it’s wild to me that that person turned that into an ostracisation op, a wedge of duplicity between me and our other friends, lasting 6mths. morally we ought’ve got past our respective fucked-up-ness on this matter

but instead, i had my life ended over it. ensnared in a honeypot

10/28/2024, 7:55:32 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

one thing i do know + do stand on is that kids too young to have these social conventions drilled into them are better off following the pattern in the essay, which is the reason i suggested polygamy for them earlier

my thinking in these terms tells me i’m mentally a child

10/28/2024, 7:55:33 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

jane says, “i ain’t never been in love. i don’t know what it is”. she only knows if someone wants her

i want them if they want me
i only know they want me [8/8]

https://youtu.be/62pDQbIiMPo?t=4

10/28/2024, 7:55:34 PM

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