fleegar

@shoutplenty

the art of telling when an apology is sincere: making amends

case study here is warspyking apologising to me for abetting a malicious cancellation targeting me [1/11]

8/5/2024, 8:12:33 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

i think this case is extremely clear personally. i’ve been put in this situation several times of being pressured to accept an apology that was made as a kind of public performance

you intuit the person doesn’t mean it, but how can you put that on a rational basis?

8/5/2024, 8:12:34 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

the deeper question is, why are apologies meant to be performances? an apology like this is meant to strategically cede ground – towards a goal of staying in power – and you can see it in him avoiding confronting my personal grievances, rather taunting me for bringing them up

8/5/2024, 8:12:35 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

if you hurt someone then you have to set aside your grievances to address the pain first. it takes reaching out, personal apology, explaining w/e is needed, and a whole lot of listening. u have to bring that person into your relevant decisions and go in w/ an intent to compromise

8/5/2024, 8:12:36 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

victims don’t dictate the truth or how perps should make amends, so it’s not like you don’t have autonomy to make reasonable decisions. you just have to treat the victim as a first-class citizen in the situation, because it’s something you are apologising for your part in causing

8/5/2024, 8:12:36 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

i feel there’s an overton window for hurting people that’s shifted to where it’s expected that people never back down, owe the victim nothing, and must be right to the end. that’s clear in this case study

often, they go further, tryna execute the victim once ey shows weakness

8/5/2024, 8:12:37 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

i remember how much in shock i was when lumardy, toburr and goldendevil simultaneously came for me as soon as the sms mods tried to cancel me. the latter is more out of cluelessness – he apologised personally but didn’t listen at all and then repeated the same aggressions

8/5/2024, 8:12:38 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

but with the first two it was disturbing af realising to what extent they viewed our conflicts as war, and that they apologised tactically and dishonestly

but this is a reflection not on these antisocial/sadistic people but on the culture that allows this, that overton window

8/5/2024, 8:12:39 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

cos from what i remember, both of them improved their reputations as a result of the fake apologies and tactical backstabbing, and i remarked at the time how fucked up it was that there was no cultural expectation of victimisers being accountable to victims

8/5/2024, 8:12:40 PM

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