some of my final writings i cannot do in this headspace, hence the panic. i had already been mentally blocked cos writing about coercive control and bullying had rly taken it out of me. it's a weakness of mine that i'm still here in the first place. however,

fleegar

@shoutplenty

1upsforlife when personal responsibility: [1/7]

7/30/2024, 2:40:01 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

was also funny hearing jpep say i made him feel stalked after he spent months actually stalking guy2308 (after cancelling him) and randoms like ricrexx

i had a second jpep-related panic attack. w/o getting into what exactly caused it, i realised i must switch up my strategy asap

7/30/2024, 2:40:02 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

the problem this causes me is i can't let go of my self unless i achieve a ho'oponopono-like acceptance, and the pressure these people have subjected me to for 3 years w/ an overtly anti-reconciliatory destroyer approach has made it extremely hard, and it just keeps getting worse

7/30/2024, 2:40:02 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

some of my final writings i cannot do in this headspace, hence the panic. i had already been mentally blocked cos writing about coercive control and bullying had rly taken it out of me. it's a weakness of mine that i'm still here in the first place. however,

7/30/2024, 2:40:03 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

i do believe i'm achieving smth good for awareness of social abuse here. i've reached a state i'm sure many victims know, where being honest about your pain results in accusations of manipulating ppl to feel bad about you. it's fine, i can just go it alone cos i'm hard as nails

7/30/2024, 2:40:03 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

i spent like 20 mins pacing up the thames thinking about how scary it is that i'm not able to tell someone what happened bc i wouldn't be believed. that's the point i realised how directly responsible these 2 years of malign sms mods are for the pain i'm in

7/30/2024, 2:40:04 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

i do not know whether i prefer the overtly hate-crusading mods or the centrist scum who do nothing in order to not anger anyone except me and then lay the weight of all this bullying on my back and accuse me of manipulating them when i say it makes me want to die [7/7]

7/30/2024, 2:40:04 AM

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