fleegar

@shoutplenty

i think something went wrong in my socialisation as a kid in that i was convinced friendships were meant to be based on love, a kind of reciprocal caring about the other person and offering protection

but there were always hints that people didn’t give a shit, like

7/9/2024, 5:33:07 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

you’re meant to work like 50h a week or sth and so by default not know or care about what your friends need. it makes little sense to me that i still live next to this construction site after 4 years for example. to me it’s like, i’d sacrifice work/money to take care of my friend

7/9/2024, 5:33:08 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

working towards their needs, cos that’s kinda the point of your tribe? like, before there was any of this hypercapitalism where you live your whole life competing with others and looking over your shoulder, and are too tired to think about other people

7/9/2024, 5:33:08 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

i had some friendships in sms where it became clear they only offered support in exchange for me hanging out w/ them, and i increasingly struggled to do that cos of the bullying they were not isolating me from

outsiders actually wondered why they stopped helping me lol

7/9/2024, 5:33:09 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

i remember one said it’s cos he was focused on privately being there for me, which was ofc not what he was doing

another more honest case, the reply i got was that i was expecting “brotherhood” not friendship, which made me wonder what you’re meant to do when you have no family

7/9/2024, 5:33:10 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

people often signal very hard that they treat each other as family, that the whole village raises a child, that their friends are the best things in their life, but they don’t seem to mean any of it, like, at all

ofc there’s always a part of me that suspects i’m just an alien

7/9/2024, 5:33:11 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

i speak quite overtly about the connection between the bullying/social abuse i endure and suicide, and while i’m always clear this isn’t a call to be rescued, i still find it blackpilling how people don’t care to help *at all*, or even cut out the bullying they enable themselves

7/9/2024, 5:33:11 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

again, let ppl rot all you like, but why spend so much time virtue signalling about being a good person trying to help? why spend so long convincing each other that i’m crazy in order to manufacture consent for bullying/libelling me?

7/9/2024, 5:33:12 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

the conclusion of this would ofc just be ppl going “omg how could i have known”, and maybe the most jarring thing is that i warned an sms mod directly to not let this happen, and this convinced him i was a manipulative abuser going after his guilt and anxiety 🤦

7/9/2024, 5:33:13 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

his bullying enabling, exploitation of my work, cutting me out of discussion/community, silent treatment etc… i can handle it, cos it’s part of the acceptance of my fate

but the group lying and virtue signalling i really struggle with cos it’s hard being told constantly that

7/9/2024, 5:33:14 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

what’s happening to you is in fact *not* ok. maybe i’m salty i was tricked. but more likely it’s cos by doing this, they communicate w/o words that all this in fact didn’t happen to me at all

but i know even that is intentional cos they never ask me how they can help

7/9/2024, 5:33:14 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

i dont half make it easy for them by being unstable and often not even able to stick around cos the silent treatment triggers me so much. they’ve tried to catch me out in the past even for that lol

this thread was about attitude to platonic love, i’ll do romantic later [15/15]

7/9/2024, 5:33:15 PM

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