that future never came, and it was on me. i didnt even realise what i had done until after i got free of 6 years of overwork by graduating from uni as a 21y/o grown man<br><br>nobody told me i had to fight for these things. instead i wasted my life fixated on this pointless education

fleegar

@shoutplenty

when i was in year 6 (11y/o), i was sitting in a pshe lesson listening about going out and the like. i remember imagining the freedom of taking on the night by myself, bein able to go anywhere. i imagined the street as a playground w/ diff groups standing in diff places [1/6]

2/4/2024, 1:08:44 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

i was kinda flitting between them cos i could. world is your oyster

i remember hearing about this stuff as if it was coming and i could just look forward to it

pshe talks about sexual relationships were much the same thing. it just was the future. seemed fun, comfy even

2/4/2024, 1:08:45 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

imagine having no siblings, a single mum who never goes out, never dates, and the deeply entrenched inner world of an 11y/o autistic child

it’s no surprise at all that i went on to fuck up every decision related to these things as it came up and nobody was there to tell me

2/4/2024, 1:08:45 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

that future never came, and it was on me. i didnt even realise what i had done until after i got free of 6 years of overwork by graduating from uni as a 21y/o grown man

nobody told me i had to fight for these things. instead i wasted my life fixated on this pointless education

2/4/2024, 1:08:46 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

i never know if ppl who grew up as i did are happy. they seem fine. but none of them seem interested in walking around concerts or carnival by themselves like i do. wondering whom i should’ve been friends with

i experience autism as dysphoria, as a massive disconnect

2/4/2024, 1:08:47 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

between my sense of self and the reality of how i live my life. being crushed into my own head by social anxiety and having all the tics to show i’m not who i want to be

and i’m done with it. i cba to let go and dig my sense of self out of my failed childhood [6/6]

2/4/2024, 1:08:48 PM

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