this is a case study in how if a conspiracy sits for over a year w/o being challenged, then it becomes the truth. my whole resistance to it, half political and half traumatic, becomes baked into my personality and becomes retconned as the justification for the conspiracy itself

fleegar

@shoutplenty

i had a discussion on youtube with dissocial, whom i’d describe as the kind of person who maintains a ton of social links and gets involved in every drama within the (sm64 speedrunning) community, which would affect me if i engaged more there

it was a revealing convo tho [1/10]

2/2/2024, 11:49:00 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

they’s been sneakily deleting posts so i can’t link the thread and have to try to recall what was said. they is biased by close ties to sdll so the opinions come from “my friend warned me about you”. but in that sense, they show what i can expect an outsider to see

2/2/2024, 11:49:01 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

“banned from a whole community”, my response is a “nothing burger” so i “have no legitimacy with the community that cast me out”. i’ve been “shown to be harmful” by the ban

also, refers to “3 years” of me harassing + hurting ppl. mentions me challenging their own activism vs

2/2/2024, 11:49:03 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

an sm64 player, and connects that with “glimpses” of my twitter history

it paints a vulgar picture eh

to be clear, this person readily admitted to not even knowing or caring who lumardy is, but that’s kind of the point i’m getting at

2/2/2024, 11:49:04 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

this is a case study in how if a conspiracy sits for over a year w/o being challenged, then it becomes the truth. my whole resistance to it, half political and half traumatic, becomes baked into my personality and becomes retconned as the justification for the conspiracy itself

2/2/2024, 11:49:05 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

it’s not like my resistance was an obvious mistake, either. if i had let it sit then nobody would be aware of how evil the conspirators are. my “harassment” of the person who pretended i abused her has made it impossible for her to stick around, which is justice on some level

2/2/2024, 11:49:07 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

but the main thing is >there’s no exit plan<

from their side, the plan was to keep pressing me with ostracisation for as long as it takes, with no path to de-escalation. so my “harassing” temperament has genuinely become entrenched in my personality now

2/2/2024, 11:49:09 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

i can’t say i’m not that person, cos whoever i was once has been melted down by 2 back-to-back ostracisations w/ false accusations of abuse

meanwhile, the accusations/bullying coming from them are either still ongoing, or stopped (maybe?) w/ no acknowledgement they ever happened

2/2/2024, 11:49:10 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

i’m tryna think what my resolution is for this thread

i think i was right that, after abuse happens, there is no going back. my reaction was natural, i couldn’t do better given my trauma around being isolated growing up

2/2/2024, 11:49:12 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

and it’s indelible, like how would u even start over? i mean, for that to happen, de-escalation from them would have to happen, and it never will. but if it did, i’d be scared i couldn’t rehab myself

really, i have to know it’s a lost cause, be more clinical about acting on that

2/2/2024, 11:49:14 PM

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