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fleegar
@shoutplenty
i'm trying a new approach to an old problem
it's well understood right that if i say smth mean to someone then 10 ppl will rush in to defend em + cancel me + i won't hear from even my friends again. that's easy!
so what happens when i need help 🤔
i got this msg 6d ago [1/12]
12/31/2023, 3:26:55 PM
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linkfleegar
@shoutplenty
as is typical, the person who sent this is still posting in the sms discord like nothing happened, has never spoken out in there, and the msg acknowledges that this dynamic has repeated several times
the question for the reader is, how do i react?
some backstory:
12/31/2023, 3:26:56 PM
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linkfleegar
@shoutplenty
w/ 1upsforlife, it's understood now that she was faking taking my side vs my abuser, but it's smth that at the time i tried to deal with in several ways. first, i told her it was victim blaming. second, i tried to distance from her to hint it was wrong. third, i got angry w/ her
12/31/2023, 3:26:56 PM
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linkfleegar
@shoutplenty
w/ jpep, i didn't even do anything. he started explosively bullying me and lying behind my back. as soon as i voiced this, he started claiming i would inevitably turn on everyone who tried to "help" me
between the two of them, that crystallised into a narrative (picture)
12/31/2023, 3:26:57 PM
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linkfleegar
@shoutplenty
half a year ago, i dealt with a similar situation of "friends" who were promising to help me and then doing nothing. i had to deal with them treating mlarvitar like nothing had happened, devil's-advocating for warspyking etc
12/31/2023, 3:26:57 PM
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linkfleegar
@shoutplenty
when i confronted this, i was told that my complaining was uncomfortable, cos ppl had done a lot for me, and maybe 1ups was right about me pushing away everyone who "helps" me
that brings us to today
12/31/2023, 3:26:58 PM
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linkfleegar
@shoutplenty
with these situations, there's a pressing feeling that all help is a quid pro quo, and i'm not allowed to challenge what they're actually doing to help else i will land in the trap narrative that i push away all who help me
12/31/2023, 3:26:58 PM
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linkfleegar
@shoutplenty
however, their help (in the case i quoted in my OP) amounts to a cycle of promises, or maybe merely *suggestions*, that practically result in just pretending i don't exist in the groups i'm ostracised from
(in the tradition of 1ups, so i've experienced this before too)
12/31/2023, 3:26:59 PM
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linkfleegar
@shoutplenty
it can feel perverse to have the most problems with those who probably are trying to help, via their effort, or spreading the word. the problem is the impact the cycle of broken promises, false hope and drama has on me
what i most care about is confronting reality
12/31/2023, 3:26:59 PM
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linkfleegar
@shoutplenty
there's a part of me trying to put 2+2 together, that after 15 months, it's clear nobody will actually help me (contrasting w/ the 1–4 days it took for ppl to help my "victims"). but each time i confront them, i uncork a wave of excuses, get sucked into another cycle of activity
12/31/2023, 3:27:00 PM
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linkfleegar
@shoutplenty
posing as "help" that'll let me down again
i've confronted the person in the msg about broken promises, not communicating, everything, many times. i've tried with every1 mentioned to make sure i've not left any stone unturned
but i just need to block to end the cycle right?
12/31/2023, 3:27:00 PM
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linkfleegar
@shoutplenty
maybe i'm rly missing smth but i feel like scatter and jpitar showed how easy it is to help someone if u really want to, and the "help" i'm getting from these sms players echoes the betrayal 1ups gave me much more closely. so i think i need to get away from them [12/12]
12/31/2023, 3:27:01 PM
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