i realise that everything in life is an addiction deep down, but some are perceived as healthy cos they fit into some sort of life-balance. it’s all a bit arbitrary. but i’ve noticed i even get judged for things that for 95% of ppl would be considered super-positive patterns

fleegar

@shoutplenty

i think i’ve done well closing out some major outstanding projects lately and am ready to get into a more marginal headspace but it’s sobering realising i’m crashing thru what should rly be absolute deadlines

the projects are fun, satisfying, so it ends up in withdrawal

12/21/2023, 2:25:57 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

i realise that everything in life is an addiction deep down, but some are perceived as healthy cos they fit into some sort of life-balance. it’s all a bit arbitrary. but i’ve noticed i even get judged for things that for 95% of ppl would be considered super-positive patterns

12/21/2023, 2:25:58 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

like the ability to execute elaborate projects

for me this has devolved into a mental numbness, much the same as a basic hedonistic addiction, and one i have to shake, cos i’m internalising that i won’t be able to take initiative to pull off quite demanding, difficult actions

12/21/2023, 2:25:59 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

so today’s the day i start moving again. the speedrunning project has overall been a great success i think but it’s obvs totally inadequate for solving the untenability of my life

12/21/2023, 2:25:59 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

it’s still such a growth area for me tho, will be hard to put down

i’ve made a self-sufficient leaderboard and am kinda starkly aware that nobody has designed an autosplitter correctly yet and i could easily revolutionise that

think i’ll let myself write blueprints at least

12/21/2023, 2:26:00 AM

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