← @shoutplenty Twitter archive

fleegar

@shoutplenty

what really gets me about watching palestine undergo a slow process of extinction is the parallel with my life undergoing the same thing

the feeling of being adrift while horrible things keep being done to you and your total inability to impact your own fate [1/11]

10/9/2023, 12:42:38 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

and being shown constantly that nobody will come to help you and there’s no such thing as someone having your back

day by day, your existence and the space you assert on the world dwindle to zero

10/9/2023, 12:42:39 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

it doesn’t make a difference how palestinians defend themselves, because they can’t. they will one day cease to exist. so is it right to expect them to not harm anyone? cos then, y’know, utilitarian pov – at least some *other* ppl didn’t additionally get hurt

10/9/2023, 12:42:39 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

this is the overbearing victim-blaming that’s shown in official responses to the recent violence. the erasure of desperation and power imbalance

and one i’m so familiar with from how i’ve been scrutinised for standing up to being falsely accused of abuse

10/9/2023, 12:42:40 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

ofc, the standing up i have done has just been by my tongue. nothing in secret, no power dynamic. yet nothing but a pressure on me in response to internalise the muzzle

this crushing silence has affected several ppl who might’ve stood up for me too, watering down their actions

10/9/2023, 12:42:40 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

i’m counting off friends like petals from a flower, by being socialised by aggressors as an abuser off fake cases or abusive to abstract minorities, and then having their decision enforced over a wider group of ppl i would otherwise be ok with

10/9/2023, 12:42:41 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

by circumstance, for example by losing first-strike advantage, or just by being bad at the social game, things somehow happen, and i lose my voice to articulate the ways they are abusive and hateful to me

10/9/2023, 12:42:41 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

it bothers me that there are a billion muslims and they couldn’t figure out how to ensure the palestinian people had somewhere to live in peace

it weighs on me watching the revolving door of people who sympathised with my situations and did nothing

10/9/2023, 12:42:42 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

i have a palestinian friend. i think of the generational trauma this war inflicts. i have it bad enough being serbian, but it’s hard to imagine having to decide to tell your kid where ey comes from, a non-existent place, and be the one who imbues a permanent melancholy in em

10/9/2023, 12:42:42 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

but maybe i should be thinking more pressingly about the kid i will never have as i succumb to my own erasure

curled up in a ball, by myself, whimpering tonite [11/11]

10/9/2023, 12:42:42 AM

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