← @shoutplenty Twitter archive

fleegar

@shoutplenty

i had another convo w/ someone where i experimented w/ being more open about attraction and discussing sexual tension from a long time ago. it ended quite predictably, her saying “god forbid” and pathologising me... despite her having been the initiator back in the day [1/12]

9/27/2023, 2:04:06 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

i think i get how she thinks about it. firstly, with a narrative for me to conform to, of me being precious to her or smth, like a pet dog, where i’m not allowed to step out of it. it’s kinda standard in media to present the “friendzone” as some jail

9/27/2023, 2:04:06 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

and disempower everyone by telling us to never be open about it, instead stay stuck in some stupid awkward yearning forever

and secondly, that there are some things from the past that we do not talk about. she just entirely dodged them

9/27/2023, 2:04:07 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

i think the disempowerment towards being honest with ppl about feelings then filters thru into their expectations, and it turns into such a serious overblown thing when someone does then decide to be honest. maybe they’re thinking there’s a hidden agenda to being honest

9/27/2023, 2:04:07 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

cos no1 ever does it. and ppl just aren’t able to cope with sexual topics without crushing awkwardness or fear. so ruining friendships by discussing attraction becomes a safe bet

9/27/2023, 2:04:08 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

i realised this and decided to stop playing the game, so telling her was rly about me liberating myself from not being able to be open w/ ppl about sex. it was more important to me than the prospect of never talking to her again, so i was brave and did it

i dont regret it at all

9/27/2023, 2:04:08 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

cos i don’t like insincerity, yet there’s so much of it. i had a friend once buy a toy as a pretext to bait someone to his house for sex, despite this person being an app date, like, literal immediate pretext to just ask. they didn’t even open the toy

9/27/2023, 2:04:09 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

the video about “transtrenders” i linked the other day lampooned this insincerity at the end, with like:

“i love you”
“ok i need to get going, i have a date to drink vodka cranberries and spend my evening scrolling thru youtube comments by myself”

https://youtu.be/EdvM_pRfuFM?t=31m10s

9/27/2023, 2:04:10 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

i had a kinda similar experience where i told someone “i love you” purely in order to make him feel looked after while he felt ignored by other friends, and (1) he interpreted it as a romantic advance and (2) actually felt *threatened* ??? i couldn’t believe telling a friend ily

9/27/2023, 2:04:10 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

could ever be a bad thing. but ppl literally erase the concept of having meaningful feelings towards friends by banning the word “love”, AND THEN interpret the stupid hedonism of attraction, crushes and casual sex as the feeling of “love”

what a vapid, cancer society

9/27/2023, 2:04:11 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

same time all this is going on, ppl tell me about growing up on fuck buddies and friends with benefits, and i’m just sitting here thinking what the hell was i supposed to do differently

i remember someone saying i “live[d] in a strange bubble” after talking about casual sex once

9/27/2023, 2:04:11 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

how was i meant to play a game where being open + sincere about attraction was a losing strategy that would kill friendships i’d worked so hard to build up after being bullied

inevitably i stopped playing the game and am looking forward to never thinking about this again [12/12]

9/27/2023, 2:04:12 PM

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