fleegar

@shoutplenty

i’m gonna indefinitely stop talking about problems with specific ppl i think. i had a chat w/ someone about the implications of leaving up posts about ppl and it changed my perception a bit [1/10]

9/6/2023, 12:34:29 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

1upsforlife is rly the one this applies to the most, cos w/ everyone else it’s easy to see it was coupled w/ problems those ppl were actively causing me at the time. so a bit of reflection is due here

at first, i was compassionate in discussing her, and focused on apologising

9/6/2023, 12:34:29 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

but there came a specific moment (https://twitter.com/shoutplenty/status/1606506481515470848) where i became convinced of her intent to cancel me for being mean to her once within our failing friendship. i had been aware she would ignore the implications of this, so made them crystal clear at the time

9/6/2023, 12:34:30 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

and then, i had to process someone who sat with me as my “best friend” the 1st time i was ostracised for made-up abuse then turning around and doing the same thing. it was hell. it was clear nobody cared, so i threw myself at venting in public out of desperation to be seen

9/6/2023, 12:34:30 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

i can see how this situation led to what i wrote, but it’s not clear to others. and some of it was inexcusably toxic

atm we’re still reckoning with mlarvitar/warspy/lego actually running the cancellation behind her back and against her will (1ups later admitted it’s not abuse)

9/6/2023, 12:34:31 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

when that house of cards finally comes down and those people are gone, i think opinions will be split on how much 1ups is to blame for saying nothing, standing by to let this happen to me. and her guilt has to be assumed to understand my pov on my later venting

9/6/2023, 12:34:31 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

i’ve heard ppl say it’s totally understandable given what she did, and others see me as the abuser, either cos they think my being mean to her deserved it (passing judgement that contradicts hers) or by retroactively blaming my venting for her silence

9/6/2023, 12:34:32 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

it’s turned into this mess where idek whether my venting was understandable or not, since it hurts her, and it’s very unrelatable to readers cos no1 understands my history of trauma around ostracisation and feeling invisible, my strange coping mechanism

9/6/2023, 12:34:32 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

so i have to stop to avoid the mess deepening, and think back to how i felt in dec. i can’t move on in the ways ppl are forcing me to. i can leave but i can’t ever overcome the trauma. but there were consequences for letting myself live it out, from dec till now

9/6/2023, 12:34:33 AM

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