things always erupt someway or another. i’ve been forced enough times to drop the topic after someone cited exhaustion over efforts i couldn’t see. all i do see is a status quo<br><br>1ups is the biggest caricature of this:

fleegar

@shoutplenty

i’ve been in a mental repression for a while now. finding it hard to face up to anything. a lot of unanswered dms and even unread ones now

it’s hard cos everything i can do to improve my situation, i have to do it wholly by myself. nothing’s really changed since sdll [1/9]

5/2/2023, 3:16:43 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

there’s been a recurring pattern where ppl get mad that i think they’re not helping, while i get mad because i internalise that they’re not helping. there’s this total lack of communication that always accompanies that, and i’m poles apart with my friends

5/2/2023, 3:16:43 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

but like, it’s impossible for me to impose on other people to consider helping me. it’s a mental block i’ve never figured out. i can signal there’s a problem instead but the reaction i always get is them turning an unconscious decision to not talk into a conscious one

5/2/2023, 3:16:44 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

things always erupt someway or another. i’ve been forced enough times to drop the topic after someone cited exhaustion over efforts i couldn’t see. all i do see is a status quo

1ups is the biggest caricature of this:

5/2/2023, 3:16:45 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

i spent months faced with a situation of, someone who is (maybe pretending to be) my best friend is engaging in a casual friendship with someone who supported an effort to cut me out of our mutual friend group

5/2/2023, 3:16:45 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

she’d signalled “i don’t wanna talk about it”, and i eventually erupted at her. she then dug her heels in by never talking to me again, instead talking to a bunch of randoms about how she felt about it

5/2/2023, 3:16:46 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

but the punchline was she prevented anyone from telling me. yet continues to say it behind my back. i hear about her takes these days and am just bemused. idk what to do

i had a reprieve from having to be around her for months but there’s no stopping the inevitable status quo

5/2/2023, 3:16:47 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

where i’m meant to be fine with it. but i had to be around her yesterday for a bit and am just disgusted. it was so stressful

i digress… i’m nearing the end of my sms work, alone and in total silence, and am struggling to muster the energy to keep talking (send replies)

5/2/2023, 3:16:47 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

i’ll end this by wondering how to and wishing i could stop being poles apart from everyone

what would’ve happened if 1ups had just said “how can i help?” [9/9]

5/2/2023, 3:16:48 PM

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