← @shoutplenty Twitter archive

fleegar

@shoutplenty

i wish ppl would signal that other ppl's behaviour is not ok rather than letting them lean on my neck by not saying anything. wish they'd say it somewhere other than just my dms lol. bc a lot of the worst offenders are also the most sensitive to what others think of them [1/9]

2/22/2023, 1:32:50 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

in general, social norms are set by criticism, and that's how bullying is prevented for example. so it's actually a healthy aspect of a community

like when ppl get called out and their response is to "retire", private their socials etc., it shows boundaries had been missing

2/22/2023, 1:32:50 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

likewise, if ppl think xyz makes them an awful person and then flip that as being the callout-er "abusing" them by accusing them...

criticism is not an inherently hateful thing. at least from me, it's always with some belief in the subject person and hope there won't be a grudge

2/22/2023, 1:32:51 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

not wholly bc it's often coming from my distress. but it's still clear looking back, things wouldve ended better for all of them (not least for me) if behaviours were called out, boundaries set

u can think u hate some1 but time heals as long as it didn't fester into actual abuse

2/22/2023, 1:32:52 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

but as usual, it aint like that. i've lost count how many times i've told some1 what some1 else thinks of their bad behaviour to me, usually getting told "omg dont tell ppl what i think of them"

like bro, no1 has my back, nor are ppl suddenly gonna become mature taking criticism

2/22/2023, 1:32:52 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

so i end up relying on the primitive tech of showing these ppl that others hate them. great

i'm proud to not be hateful, at least beyond these strategic aspects, and to be able to remember even people who abused me fondly sometimes

also proud to have made them face consequences

2/22/2023, 1:32:52 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

but yeah, in practice:

i'm not saying initiate conflict w your friends' enemies. just let it be known what u stand for. even lil casual public chats go a long way. bc ppl react v strongly to (even overestimate) negative stances about them from mutuals they care about

2/22/2023, 1:32:53 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

it's bad that e.g. i don't get more comments or requests to explain myself about the way i talk about these ppl on twitter – it shows me the system ain't working

or having friends underestimate lumardy's abuse cos they missed the main point and *didn't tell me their takes* > . <

2/22/2023, 1:32:54 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

in short:

express your opinion; it helps build consensus. talk to friends, talk to both victims+accused. what evils ppl can get away with, how ppl feel and handle victimhood, are all the better w/ open communication. it resists alienation, insanity, lies, ulterior motives [9/9]

2/22/2023, 1:32:54 AM

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