fleegar

@shoutplenty

anyway, i feel like lately i’ve gotten a lotta raw thoughts down in writing as well as i can here, so am gonna switch tack

i wanna spend the next week reflecting on whether i wanna continue living. i’m not acutely distressed; rather, i wanna think long-term/hypothetically [1/8]

2/7/2023, 11:25:09 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

as in, i have these raw thoughts scattered around and wanna condense and re-examine them. much of the pain is repressed from 2021 even, so i have to dig it back up. lots of reckoning with life conditions that i don’t experience day-to-day bc i bury myself in tunnel vision, etc

2/7/2023, 11:25:10 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

i am pro-choice on suiсide, but i’m aware most people rly aren’t and see it as a mission to influence ppl’s thinking to avoid it at all costs. this makes it a rly lonely experience, wanting to assess feelings u feel a pressure to hide. i’ve resisted this somewhat via my twitter

2/7/2023, 11:25:10 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

i will be checking discord as well for the next 7 days and if there’s anything any1 has wanted to clear up, now is a good time

also, i’m not excluding irl ppl by posting here; i just cba to make a scene and explain to them all that’s happened

2/7/2023, 11:25:11 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

there’s one important thing to say to any1 who wants to reach out tho. i’ve had this problem with 3 ppl at this point where they’ve pushed me to seek therapy despite playing a major role in the problems that broke me in the first place

2/7/2023, 11:25:11 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

1. by persisting lies to cut me out of a friend group
2. by telling a community they moderate that i’m an abuser but hiding what i did
3. by bullying me behind my back

don’t abuse me then make it society’s problem to deal with the fallout (!) only talk if u wanna try to improve—

2/7/2023, 11:25:12 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

—things concretely and have *nothing to hide*. plenty of ppl just want to lean on my neck til i’m gone. else ye, i’m happy to discuss therapy etc

lastly, i feel guilty dragging all this harm out here for so long but i think it’s better than rashly dying w/o bein absolutely sure

2/7/2023, 11:25:13 PM

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