idk if there even was a right way to handle the times i was victimised, but either way i got it wrong every time and made things worse. my darkest actions were borne thence. never a question of learning, just a 1-strike-and-you're-out basis

fleegar

@shoutplenty

i remember how confident i used to be about human conflict. shit was kinda easy for me cos i have sound principles (those i talk about here like "keep talking") and never initiated personal conflict (if not political, cos i was ok w getting rid of corrupt mods for example) [1/7]

2/7/2023, 7:22:30 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

i used to talk to dozens of ppl promoting conciliation between them + someone they'd fallen out with. i was proactive, always had time to get involved in others' conflicts, promoting compromise

i was myself so easy to get on with. open to all friendships, never hateful

2/7/2023, 7:22:30 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

when i was picked on, the boot was on the other foot. most instead took sides, cut me out, and there was a staggering amount of lying i wasn't prepared for. i flipped one case, but it left me so broken that when a more intelligent manipulator came along, i lost my shit completely

2/7/2023, 7:22:31 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

idk if there even was a right way to handle the times i was victimised, but either way i got it wrong every time and made things worse. my darkest actions were borne thence. never a question of learning, just a 1-strike-and-you're-out basis

2/7/2023, 7:22:31 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

it turns out that something you once knew + could be confident you were a force for good with can turn into an indispensible part of life that u cannot handle at all anymore. conciliation, figuring out what is and isn't abuse, being accused of things that didn't happen

2/7/2023, 7:22:32 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

to get to my point. i look forward to the day i can finally *rest*. and never have to judge abuse and victimhood, particularly around myself, again. to never think about or be involved in a human conflict again. that's a place i am adamant about getting to

2/7/2023, 7:22:32 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

it hurts so much dropping contact with your favourite friend, or watching your own family from afar and thinking "i will not get to know you better"

all purely because you know they will likely find a way to hate you one day [7/7]

2/7/2023, 7:22:33 AM

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