fleegar

@shoutplenty

i think many ppl like me internalise over years a feeling of loneliness and being unloved that they have to resist late in the night

cos everyone expects a different kind of showing love from those around them, and some are lucky about who and how busy their loved ones are [1/6]

2/4/2023, 2:01:51 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

i think i got unlucky with firstly being in very emotionally cold irl friendships, and then with these two online ones, having to deal w someone who disliked me but was there to use me, and then someone who’s too deep in eir problems to be capable of love despite signalling it

2/4/2023, 2:01:52 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

the coldness these ppl shew as they turned groups against me made it impossible to keep suspending disbelief that i was loved and a valid part of my own relationships

and the deeper you fall when your fears of alienation are realised like this, the more it takes to get out

2/4/2023, 2:01:52 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

i dread to think what level of love i’d need to be shown now to feel loved again… i just know it’s beyond what’s actually out there and how much ppl care about me

so i’m waiting for something that’ll never come, and then realising that and letting go of my relationship hopes

2/4/2023, 2:01:53 PM

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