the coldness these ppl shew as they turned groups against me made it impossible to keep suspending disbelief that i was loved and a valid part of my own relationships<br><br>and the deeper you fall when your fears of alienation are realised like this, the more it takes to get out

fleegar

@shoutplenty

i think many ppl like me internalise over years a feeling of loneliness and being unloved that they have to resist late in the night

cos everyone expects a different kind of showing love from those around them, and some are lucky about who and how busy their loved ones are [1/6]

2/4/2023, 2:01:51 PM

Favs: 0

Retweets: 0

link

fleegar

@shoutplenty

i think i got unlucky with firstly being in very emotionally cold irl friendships, and then with these two online ones, having to deal w someone who disliked me but was there to use me, and then someone who’s too deep in eir problems to be capable of love despite signalling it

2/4/2023, 2:01:52 PM

Favs: 0

Retweets: 0

link

fleegar

@shoutplenty

the coldness these ppl shew as they turned groups against me made it impossible to keep suspending disbelief that i was loved and a valid part of my own relationships

and the deeper you fall when your fears of alienation are realised like this, the more it takes to get out

2/4/2023, 2:01:52 PM

Favs: 0

Retweets: 0

link

fleegar

@shoutplenty

i dread to think what level of love i’d need to be shown now to feel loved again… i just know it’s beyond what’s actually out there and how much ppl care about me

so i’m waiting for something that’ll never come, and then realising that and letting go of my relationship hopes

2/4/2023, 2:01:53 PM

Favs: 0

Retweets: 0

link

fleegar

@shoutplenty

that’s the effect letting people like them in as close friends has had. be used, then be not stood up for and shunned for being a burden when u need them the most. it tore a hole in my soul

i don’t liiikeee these friends, they makkee me feel so smalllll https://youtu.be/xGFa5_wdRsU?t=119

2/4/2023, 2:01:53 PM

Favs: 0

Retweets: 0

link

fleegar

@shoutplenty

everyone who cut me out over those friends’ selfish bs and never talked to me again made me feel so small

i’ve been haunted by this emptiness for years, having dreams like these. now i’m tryna let go of hopes+goals i had for how others might make me feel

https://twitter.com/shoutplenty/status/1148582460080427010

2/4/2023, 2:01:54 PM

Favs: 0

Retweets: 0

link