whereas lu said he was distanced w/o warning. i found in my relationship w lu, we both had proactive open communication and he always understood how i felt about him. so i find his side more plausible. that plus what little 1ups did explain of her trauma seemed to amount to

fleegar

@shoutplenty

so yeah, this is a thought i had on the train back from pub after the england senegal footy game. wish i could've just said it at the time

when i take my mind back to that strange dispute between 1ups and lumardy, i realise i've rly been unfair to lu in how i perceived it [1/16]

2/4/2023, 12:31:08 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

the story was, they'd fallen out in a way that had left 1ups "traumatised". i was slowly figuring out that lu had been faking being my friend so he could get close to her again via her friendship w/ me. 1ups explained she was traumatised, w/ no details of what'd actually happened

2/4/2023, 12:31:08 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

it wasn't my place to ask, but also, naturally, i saw what lu had done as itself being "traumatising". i didn't question if 1ups' reaction was reasonable. i think i was scrabbling for answers, tryna establish lu's guilt for other things he'd done like using me to get at her

2/4/2023, 12:31:09 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

e.g. i once saw lu sexually harass 1ups, and to judge the severity of this, i argued this "joke" was after "w/e he'd done that'd traumatised 1ups so much". that imparts much more guilt than if he'd only known 1ups was uncomfy w/ him but hadn't otherwise victimised her, right?

2/4/2023, 12:31:10 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

in hindsight, a lot was fishy about 1ups' version of events. for starters, the bkgd page (https://shoutplenty.netlify.app/case/lu/1ups/) i wrote on how lu exploited me to get at her is filled w/ a persistent clash b/w how the 2 viewed things. 1ups told me she'd told him she wanted to stop hanging out—

2/4/2023, 12:31:10 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

whereas lu said he was distanced w/o warning. i found in my relationship w lu, we both had proactive open communication and he always understood how i felt about him. so i find his side more plausible. that plus what little 1ups did explain of her trauma seemed to amount to—

2/4/2023, 12:31:11 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

"i want to get away from lu" and that's it. 1ups later distanced from me in a similar way, so the marbles finally clicked in my head that i couldn't project my expectations of reasonable trauma onto her

it's important for me to understand what rly underlies 1ups' trauma here

2/4/2023, 12:31:11 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

or at least, to formulate my best read of their situation. why is it important?

cos a similar dynamic underlies my sms ban and ostracisation. if 1ups treats ppl like this, it's v hurtful ofc but ultimately her own thing. but at what point does it become problematic? [8/16]

2/4/2023, 12:31:12 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

firstly, is it my fault that i judged lu as having victimised 1ups? i don't know; if i had been smart then i would've realised 1ups had poisoned me vs him to an extent and would've set aside wanting to respect her privacy in order to get to the bottom of what had happened w/ them

2/4/2023, 12:31:12 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

however, i think she must be aware that how she portrays events blames others for her own problems – here, lu constantly pursued her (she says) after she refused to be forthright w/ him (she omits). this is crucial because things unravelled similarly regarding me "abusing" her

2/4/2023, 12:31:13 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

if you look at what i said to her and imagine i hadn't been banned, the reaction is clear, right? many ppl would think i absolutely suck but a ban for, what, calling someone selfish and disloyal and saying xyz is not your friend... doesn't make sense, right?

2/4/2023, 12:31:13 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

i think the reason it worked is this: firstly, 1ups goes insane and disappears for months. if she presented the context anything like how she presented lumardy to me, her disappearance legitimises that i had done a traumatising thing, rather than just her feeling traumatised

2/4/2023, 12:31:14 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

(i mean i had, but the severity is v off given the words i'd used and that she'd betrayed me). secondly, jpitar were aware that no1 would buy the ban off of solely what i'd said, so they manipulated it, by backbiting and reporting me w/o saying what i'd said, rather arguing that—

2/4/2023, 12:31:15 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

"1ups is gone bc of shout" and "you'll realise he's a piece of shit". the former is the same logic i used in tweet #4 here. and the mods bought it... (makes me wonder what kinda ban jpitar could've orchestrated for lu if they'd considered me worth white-knighting over) [14/16]

2/4/2023, 12:31:15 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

lu was later banned for distorting a vast amount of facts to pretend for 7 months that i'd abused him. but 1ups also seems acutely dishonest in this story. especially when one associates w/ the jpitar morality police, silence isn't just a personal choice anymore [15/16]

2/4/2023, 12:31:16 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

i rue the day i met either of them, not least being trapped in their own failed relationship BS. they're similar in that a cyclone of destruction follows them as they strive to feel ok at all costs. just that one actively lies, the other weaponises silence. nobody is safe [16/16]

2/4/2023, 12:31:16 AM

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