fleegar

@shoutplenty

im on my full glass of spritz death grips planning shadow mario tute vibe rn celebrating the end of my xmas trip to my dad in sharting west sussex

i feel ready to fuck shit up but also am shaking hands w my own aversion to hating ppl when i strip away the inhibitions like this

12/28/2022, 4:47:41 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

i’m srs… i feel bad that conflict followed me around so much in sms given how capable i am of letting go of it

jeff was the culmination of defensiveness for me where i’d let a year of being bullied build up w/o standing up to it then carried a huge paranoia of suffering to come

12/28/2022, 4:47:41 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

i could have cbt-ed myself past it and just stayed away from him as i’d planned to do with erry1 else who was culpable in that bullying. but i was weak, let the emotions out

with 1ups i literally had planned to draw a line and move on but a 3rd party exploited it instead

12/28/2022, 4:48:15 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

being able to let go just isn’t enough. cos the other person is never able to do that emself. there’s nothing i can do to stop the “i’m uncomfortable” backstabbing bs. to them ig that’s the same as when i dunk on like events they organised or ideology they believe in?

12/28/2022, 4:48:15 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

i just wish i could expect a minimum level of decency from them, like a chance to apologise for attacking and explain the causes of it, even when it’s blatant i won’t do it again, but instead i get all this my-feelings-are-facts cancelly pussy behaviour

12/28/2022, 4:48:16 AM

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