i am not gonna retort to that doc bc i already tried to explain and hearsay is unstoppable<br><br>i am instead gonna invite jeff to actually talk to me for once. i apologised for publicly being a toxic arsehole. but he’s never actually tried to talk to me

fleegar

@shoutplenty

reading last night’s jeffco doc made me realise that me telling some1 “you did something v wrong that hurt me” and them hearing “i am an awful person” has happened 3 times and led into the public explosion/cancellation dynamics i’ve mentioned every one of those times [1/7]

11/8/2022, 11:26:02 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

it always went the same way. i expressed my feelings angrily and became abusive in different ways. i got set upon by a violent friend of the accused. their bad thing was washed away, my hurt erased, and the focus made about my abusive words and the hurt they caused

11/8/2022, 11:26:02 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

i shouldn’t be so shit to others, but i also shouldn’t just sit and take their toxicity towards me. but no happy medium has ever been found. i don’t know how to get angry nicely i guess. i feel i am only acceptable to others if i stay silent and hide my pain away

11/8/2022, 11:26:03 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

two of these cases came with no substantial owning up from the other party; the third came with owning up to me and simult. pretending it was only my fault to others. each time, same result – the widespread social judgment that it was all my fault

11/8/2022, 11:26:03 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

i am not gonna retort to that doc bc i already tried to explain and hearsay is unstoppable

i am instead gonna invite jeff to actually talk to me for once. i apologised for publicly being a toxic arsehole. but he’s never actually tried to talk to me –

11/8/2022, 11:26:04 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

even before i accused him, he’d claimed feeling “unsafe” based only on me banning his friend who’d been abusive

imo it’s better to face up to the harm one’s modding caused, despite overreaction to it. apologise and be apologised to. we could prob agree a nice joint statement tbh

11/8/2022, 11:26:05 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

then again i’ve never seen a victim voluntarily give up a social advantage to be accountable cos they felt it was right

well except myself when i agreed to #community-reconciliation and got stabbed in the back for it

mans out here giving ppl reasons to do the wrong thing lmao

11/8/2022, 11:26:05 PM

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