fleegar

@shoutplenty

it’s been rly hard for me to handle someone pretending i seriously abused someone and costing me multiple friends a second time. u cant prepare for this pain even the first time

but only 4 days after clearing my name the 2nd time, i hurtled into another domestic abuse situation

10/31/2022, 12:25:17 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

i tried to explain before that i’m kinda built to take these punches over and over w/o figuring out a way out. it’s the same initiative barrier that’s made me seem to fail each time i tried to make big changes to address a life problem

10/31/2022, 12:25:18 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

i stopped trying to make constructive changes a while ago but still, often lying curled up in a ball trying to calm down, i feel a great sense of responsibility to my own self to end my suffering

10/31/2022, 12:25:18 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

but so far i’ve just stuck it out until the next random thing distracted me with fleeting happiness. that’s irresponsible cos i remain vulnerable to the emotional pain recurring and, moreover, remain the same person who will induce someone to abuse him again and repeat the cycle

10/31/2022, 12:25:19 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

the pattern i’ve always seen, most recently from my mum, is flat-out denial of abuse in order to make my own admissions stand out and the situation look one-sided. it’ll take more than that to get me to stop owning up and even more to delude me into thinking my fault is greater

10/31/2022, 12:25:19 AM

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