← @shoutplenty Twitter archive
fleegar
@shoutplenty
it’s been rly hard for me to handle someone pretending i seriously abused someone and costing me multiple friends a second time. u cant prepare for this pain even the first time
but only 4 days after clearing my name the 2nd time, i hurtled into another domestic abuse situation
10/31/2022, 12:25:17 AM
Favs: 0
Retweets: 0
linkfleegar
@shoutplenty
i tried to explain before that i’m kinda built to take these punches over and over w/o figuring out a way out. it’s the same initiative barrier that’s made me seem to fail each time i tried to make big changes to address a life problem
10/31/2022, 12:25:18 AM
Favs: 0
Retweets: 0
linkfleegar
@shoutplenty
i stopped trying to make constructive changes a while ago but still, often lying curled up in a ball trying to calm down, i feel a great sense of responsibility to my own self to end my suffering
10/31/2022, 12:25:18 AM
Favs: 0
Retweets: 0
linkfleegar
@shoutplenty
but so far i’ve just stuck it out until the next random thing distracted me with fleeting happiness. that’s irresponsible cos i remain vulnerable to the emotional pain recurring and, moreover, remain the same person who will induce someone to abuse him again and repeat the cycle
10/31/2022, 12:25:19 AM
Favs: 0
Retweets: 0
linkfleegar
@shoutplenty
the pattern i’ve always seen, most recently from my mum, is flat-out denial of abuse in order to make my own admissions stand out and the situation look one-sided. it’ll take more than that to get me to stop owning up and even more to delude me into thinking my fault is greater
10/31/2022, 12:25:19 AM
Favs: 0
Retweets: 0
linkfleegar
@shoutplenty
but as for whether all my victimisers/victims have convinced me that i will never be able to conduct close relationships free of mutual abuse, they absolutely have. i think it’s time to go
10/31/2022, 12:25:20 AM
Favs: 0
Retweets: 0
link