fleegar

@shoutplenty

i know where this relaxedness comes from unfort. i once had some ppl i cared about, but lost almost all after sth like, starting w/ an A who deliberately deceitfully cut me from a group, B sides w A, C sides w B, D sides w C. as victim, every1 refused me the right to object

9/4/2022, 6:13:36 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

it's hard enuf the 1st time, whence it could recur, but much worse when it becomes a universal pattern. then there's no basis to argue it won't recur

things change forever when ppl are tested this way. hence i believe in cutting an originator of deceit as early+cleanly as poss

9/4/2022, 6:13:37 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

to get to my point – when u reason that u can't put trust in relationships anymore then you're not seeking anything, not fussed about what others think, don't even care about them rly. ppl are just there for your entertainment. so i can relax more, same as i do when alone

9/4/2022, 6:13:38 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

someone once told me "when u exist in a community ppls goodwill towards you is your oxygen". i think that deep-down, that's false. erry1 will still come to feel essentially alone one day. happiness is overcoming that by accepting yourself. you're all you need and all you have

9/4/2022, 6:13:38 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

however, i'm finding it v hard to actually do that, cos of the weight of happy memories from dead loving friendships and the desire to be loved and accepted. it results in incessant accostment by specific emotional pains – jealousy, regret, desperation – and endless depression

9/4/2022, 6:13:39 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

to end lightly, here's my fave photo from carnival. i love these lil bits that act almost as self-contained social commentaries #extinctionrebellion

9/4/2022, 6:13:41 PM

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