fleegar

@shoutplenty

but it’s never mutual when it happens in either direction, ofc not. the one time it ever was for me ended in a miscommunication and a regret i’ve been tormented by for 10 years

8/3/2022, 3:35:02 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

i met that person again after all that time and she’d grown into someone amazing. the exact kind of deep creative thinker with whom i used to be the most at ease and enamoured to talk. but my own mental faculties have slid since then and i struggled to pay attention and keep up

8/3/2022, 3:35:03 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

how do i put it into words, that i’m not looking for a s.o. bc i hate myself too much to put myself onto someone that way. that i conceptualise sex like a 15yo would and haven’t risen to the desires of others my age for mature relationships. hence most ppl dgaf about me that way

8/3/2022, 3:35:03 PM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

nor do i care about most ppl that way when i don’t know them. the entire concept of sex with people you don’t know is so alienating. and i don’t wanna get to know anyone new, that is, to let them in, thanks to that profound rejection of who /i/ am that came from being abused

8/3/2022, 3:35:04 PM

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