← @shoutplenty Twitter archive
fleegar
@shoutplenty
i was once told i don't pass as where i'm from. specifically, that i talk like a poser. the exact thought was ignorant but the sentiment is right. most people in my life havent seen me as a person, rather as smth else, and have left me out in the cold. i dont rly pass as anything
6/6/2022, 9:34:42 PM
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linkfleegar
@shoutplenty
not erry1 will like u, but this is.. different. it's hard to pin down how you've gone 15 years post-puberty w/o a single close real-life friend, or how u were kept out of the cultures u identified with. when your whole life u've been talked over and not invited to things
6/6/2022, 9:34:43 PM
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linkfleegar
@shoutplenty
this is maybe naive but my brain keeps drawing a link w/ sex, even casual sex, that it shows someone sees u enough to wanna let u in at the most intimate level. but any time i did it, i was just serving the crush of some1 i had no friendship with, so didnt feel seen at all
6/6/2022, 9:34:43 PM
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linkfleegar
@shoutplenty
never having had a gf or bf is one thing, but eventually it crosses the line into feeling like a not-applicable concept cos u dont *pass* as a hypothetical bf of some1 u like who also likes u. same r.e. close friends irl
so, how do u build it all up, when u start with nothing?
6/6/2022, 9:34:44 PM
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linkfleegar
@shoutplenty
the problem is ofc that when u have nothing, u lie in bed for 18h a day so you dk what you can offer or what even to message to someone you like who might one day offer you something
6/6/2022, 9:34:44 PM
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