i can't really process this contrast or come to terms w how abusable my character is. it makes me feel like i'm most comfy when i observe people from the outside or interact with non-human things, so i can't get hurt. but i long for companionship and intimacy so it's hard

fleegar

@shoutplenty

i have to wonder how ppl do awful shit to me and get forgiven by my friends cos i give fair and nuanced explanations, but their friends end up doing yet more awful shit to me. this tells me i'm not rly right to be around ppl full stop. should just become a hermit

9/14/2021, 1:39:12 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

i can't really process this contrast or come to terms w how abusable my character is. it makes me feel like i'm most comfy when i observe people from the outside or interact with non-human things, so i can't get hurt. but i long for companionship and intimacy so it's hard

9/14/2021, 1:43:40 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

it actually dawned on me when i listened to neutral milk hotel's 2 albums recently. the main theme of their music is intimacy. and longing – it's right there in the lydian harmony they always use, not just the lyrics, which is why it hits so many ppl so hard

9/14/2021, 1:49:16 AM

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fleegar

@shoutplenty

this is a fave of mine that shows that yearning to be closer to someone who's passing away. but yeah, what was i gonna say. i found it acutely painful to listen to this stuff after what's been happening to me, hence it dawning on me https://youtu.be/cvu_kJAd3jo

9/14/2021, 1:51:16 AM

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